Saturday 21 May 2011

Dear Elle,

Isn't love wonderful?! It's just the most breathtakingly beautiful experience that ripples through your tummy making everything in the world seem more... shiny. The sun is brighter than you have ever seen it, and the sky... the most delightfully intoxicating shade of blue. Nearly as intoxicating as looking deep into the eyes of your true love. I know all this and I know where you are coming from. When you are in love you want to shout it from the rooftops! And you know what Elle? Shout it! Climb the tallest building you can find, take a deep breath and cry "I love Staz!" Scream it until you have nothing more in your love soaked lungs and you faint from the overwhelming power that is the love you have for your darling Staz. Now why am I suggesting that you climb to a rooftop to declare your teenage infatuation you may ask? Because writing it in the dew on the driver's side window of my car is NOT APPROPRIATE! Write it on a bus shelter, the back of a public toilet door, carve it into a train window for all I care but stay the hell away from my car. I don't know you! Hell! I don't even know 'Staz' what the *#$@ kind of name is Staz anyway? Is he a stunning guy from Europe who swept you off your feet while on exchange? Is that his street name and he fills in your days by teaching you how to tag while you skip school? Is he a she? Because that's totally cool, I don't give a rats which way you swing I just don't want to have to wash it off my car.

Elle, I'm calling you out for a. being an idiot and b. making a non-permanent interruption to the aesthetic perfection of my car - but I know that it came from a place of love. I too am in love. However, if I see you near my car again I might just get the inspiration to join you in spontaneous love-themed graffiti... only my medium of choice is stanley-knife-on-idiot-flesh, and goodness me! What luck! There's an idiot right in front of me!

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